Wolfe Happenings

Ever had one of those days?

2010-06-25T12:19:00.001-07:00

How many times have you heard that question. "Ever had one of those days?" I can probably safely say about 100. However, here I am having one of those days. You know the ones? When you don't feel pretty, or you miss someone so much that your heart literally aches, or even no matter what you touch, nothing seems to go right? Do you really classify it as "One of those days" or does it happen all the time, but you may notice it more when your feeling down. I mean come on face it, when life is good and all the stars are in alignment, you just keep on buzzing like a bee. But, when your a little hum drum (and yes I said hum drum) I find myself not wanting to keep busy and goofing off more and yes goofing off does get boring.

So here's to you Mr. Ever had one of those days" sounds like one of those beer commercials don't it? LOL. You may have me down for now, but this race is long from over, and I have been known a time or two to bounce back. So bring it on.... I may be down, but I am certainly not out!

In Memory....

2010-03-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

I can not tell you how many funerals that I have attended. Or the number of tears that I have shed over the loss of a loved ones. I can tell you that I have cried for some more than others. Sometimes it is because I will not see them again, and then sometimes it is because of what I am going to miss rather than what I had. Does that make sense? Let me try and explain. With Kenny, I cry because I do not have my little boy any longer. I seen him grow for 18 years. But, who would he have married? what would his children have been like? What kind of man would he have been? Would he have been a man after Gods heart? Then there is Daddy. I miss Daddy, I miss him calling me Nikki, Bobby, Diane, Traci.. I miss him giving me a hug because I fixed him something to eat, or the way he would tap that cane on the floor when we would watch a western together. But today, I miss Grammy the most. Maybe because tomorrow is the anniversary of her death and she is on my mind.
I miss the way she would fuss at me for something Gina would or would not do. Or the way she would call me and ask for some goody pills because she knew Gina would fuss at her for taking to many(wow at the empty packs we found under her mattress when she passed) I miss her wanting to go to the dollar store. Never the mall, or a fancy store, always the dollar store, that was her place. She was, in allot of ways a mother to me. She took me and called me one of her girls. She did not have to do that, but because I did not have a mom (she died when I was 10) she made sure I had one in her. She also made me promise on her death bed that Gina would not ever be alone. She worried about that. Not real sure why, but that was a fear to her. Well, Grammy, I will make sure she will never be alone. Not only I, but God in Heaven has her right where He wants her. Thank you Grammy, for taking me and loving me, for the talks, and the laughs and all the funny stories of Gina that you have told me through the years so that I can get to know my sister a little better.
I love and miss you terribly! but I know that in Christ there is no goodbyes. Unitl me meet again.

Sunshine

2010-03-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

I sit here at my desk, and although I should be working something inside of me screams to want to go outside. I think it is even up to like 70 degrees today, I can't imagine why I would want to go out instead of sitting here at work. :)
Maybe it is the warm weather, maybe it is just me wanting to get out of here, and maybe it is a combination of things. But, whatever the reason, one thing I can not dispute is I want to be out there in the sun. Something about it helps my thoughts and actions. The warmness on my face when I look up into the sky. It is almost as if God is kissing my cheek as I look up to Him. I find myself looking up to the puffy clouds and seeing if I can catch a glimpse of Kenny looking over the clouds at me. I know that is silly, do you remember doing that as a child? Maybe you would lay on the grass in a meadow and just watch the clouds roll by and imagine the different shapes they seem to be. A puppy, or a dragon. I remember doing that. Wonder what happened? I guess I grew up. I wonder sometimes why we run around like crazy people. As adults, we just don't slow down and enjoy the view. Maybe I need to do that this week. you know, I think I will. I am going to watch the clouds and see what shapes I can see,(or who I can see) will you join me? See you in the meadow....

It's been a long time

2009-09-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

I find myself laughing at how long it has been since I was last on here. When I first started doing this, I told myself that I would try and at least put something on here once a week. Well, life happens I guess. And like so many things in our life, before you know it, time has passed and your sitting back going I wished I would have done that more, or I meant to do that. Now don't get me wrong, there are some regrets in my life, but none that has not shaped my character. I have listed a few below.

Regret No.1
I wished I would have finished school
No. 2
I wished I would have stayed at the hospital the day my daddy died
No.3
I wished I would have kept her.
No. 4
I wished I would have came home early and seen Kenny before he left that last time.
No. 5
I wished I would have just walked away

I don't dwell on the above things much, unless of course I am in a really down mood, and then ole satan sneaks in and trys to trick me in believing that I am a goof up and how could anyone love me after all I have done. But in the rambling of satan, is the ever so whisper of God that tells me I love you, I have made you in my image, and I am proud of you. I will take what the world has meant for evil and I will make good of it.

It is then, I realize that today is a new day, and I need to live everyday to the best of my ability, to love more, laugh more, and even cry more. Today, I will complete only the task of today, with no regrets!

Golf Tourney is a comming!!!

2009-05-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well, it is almost that time again. The second annual Kenny Wolfe Scholarship Golf Tournament. This year it will be once again at Charwood Country Club. However, we will do things a little different. I did not like the raffle thing so we are going to have a silent auction this year, so BRING YOUR CHECKBOOKS!!!

It is cool to know that we are doing something in honor of Kenny. He is missed so much and I can not help but wonder if he were still here, with the growing trend of golf, and the fact that His Dad, brother, sister and yes, you got it his mom is playing. Not to mention Jason and Carl and Katie and Jenn. I wonder if he would have picked the game up. I am sure he would have, an unlike myself, he was such a natural at sports, any sports. So I guess with that being said, I believe ole Kenny Ray Wolfe Jr, Kyzer would have loved the game.

It is hard to believe that he has been gone 2 years. I keep telling myself that he is just gone to NC and spending time with Anita, but as time marches on as it has a tendency to do. Kenny is still gone. He would have been 21 this year for his birthday, wow, my baby 21 :).

So, enough of that, starting to shed a few tears here. This blog is not about the tears, this one is about the tournament. And if your reading this and love the game of Golf, I hope you would join us. If you need information, just let me know and I will hook you up.

As my husband always said "A bad day at golf, if better than any day at work". You know I think he may be onto something. Kenny, this one is for you and May God bless this day, and may we keep you alive in our hearts, because we know your in heaven smiling down and I hope your proud son. Proud to know that so many people cared for you and they will come out and support this tournament.

See you all on May 22nd!!!!

Things that make me go OH MY!

2009-04-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

As I sit here at my desk, and see some of the people that come into a Law firm and think they could actually win a case, it reminds me of other things that make me go Oh MY! For example:

1. Really LARGE women in Really LITTLE swimsuits.
2. 85 year old women and Men who think they can still drive.
3. People's work ethics (the fact that they have none)
4. The color of the head on this bird outside my office window (BEAUTIFUL)
5. How you really thought you could leave my child stranded and get away with it (uh NO)
6. ex-wives
7. Looking outside at a beautiful Day and still not believe in a God!
8. Email Forwards that people send me that they believe they really work...
9. How broke my heart is :(
10. How much my sisters and I look alike (ok maybe not Nikki and Bobbie,,,,whos your daddy?)
11. How much I owe in taxes (wow)
12. people in Wal-mart late at night and what they have on. Did you really come out of the house like that?
13. Me working for an Attorney.....Who would have thunk it :)

and the list could go on and on, but for now, I do have to get back to work, another Blog for another day!

The wedding is coming!

2009-03-02T13:16:00.000-08:00

So here we are getting ready to marry off my youngest daughter and every time I look at her I see the little girl in the picture. The one where she was probably plotting to have Kenny left behind at the park. I mean come on, this was the same child that for about a year, maybe two, had Kenny thinking that he was adopted. So looking at them this is what I see. I think it is because I am a mom and this is the age your children need you. Oh I know, they will always need you (no matter what they say) but not like when they are this age. Ashley is probably 2 and Kenny is maybe a year old. They are in the smurf houses at Carowinds, and of course Kenny has to check out the stools to make sure you can sit on them. Ashley came and got the rest of her clothes from the house last night and I wonder if they ever stop and think what is does to the parents hearts when they grow up and move out. Now, I know it has to be done, she will grow up and move on. I am just wondering if they think about it. I wonder if they think about the way they talk to us, or blow us off because we may not be cool, or don't do the same things they want to do. I guess that is part of parenting, and when you have Kids, Ashley you will have a little Kenny, (just because). But always remember, THIS is the way I remember you, both of you. Always my babies.......

My Small Group

2009-02-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about my small group. They have to be the best in the world. (ok to me they are). I can not tell you what it has meant to me and Ken to have a group of people that we can just call on when we need them and they are there, no questions asked. We even have our own theme song..and no it is not friends in low places (lol). Actually it is by Tracy Lawrence. "find out who your friends are". The chorus of the song goes like this....

you find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'whats in it for me? or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

and then one verse is...
When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

Well, let me tell you, I know who will be there and it consist of Sheila, Lana, Nicole, Charlie, Jeanine, Chrissy, Leslie, Joey just to mention a few. These guys are there and ask no questions all I have to do is feed them (hahah)
Seriously though Ken and I are very thankful that God has placed people in our lives to Walk through this life together and have people we call "friends". They are truly our friends and if you don't believe me? come visit my small group one Sunday and if your willing to go that extra mile when needed and you are looking for a few good friends, well then you might just find them there. Sitting there in the corner of the couch, or running after one of the kids and sneaking a kiss under the cheek, or maybe one will be in the kitchen getting that last brownie. But you will find them and once you do you will have a friend for life. Hope to see you there....

10 Lesson learned

2009-02-02T16:38:00.001-08:00

I have been married to the same man for almost 22 years now and in that 22 years, I do consider myself a professional (lol) so what have I learned in the 22 years of marriage? well, funny you asked. I have complied a list of the lessons learned.

1. Always put God first. No matter what.
2. Tell your husband everything.
3. Just in case your espn is not working, you need to communicate with hubby, guess what he can not read your mind, no matter how bad you want him to.
4. find a way to release anger. Personally moving furniture is my fav, it not only gets your house really clean, but allows you to take it out on a couch instead of his head.
5. Watch a game or sports show with him, he will think your the greatest thing since slice bread.
6 Let him know you need him, (even if you can do it by yourself, makes him feel better).
7. Talk about everything and get his opinion even if you don't like it.
8. Be honest about your feelings.
9. Let him hold you when you are upset or sad.
and No 10. Always stand by your man. Tammy Wynette had something there.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are days I want to take him and well, I will keep that to myself, but you know where I am going. Marriage is like a job, you have to work at it and you have to give 110% but in the end, hopefully you will have a wonderful person to spend the life on Earth with, and if your one of the lucky ones to have children from this man, you will enjoy watching them grow up and then can pass your wisdom onto them( now if they listen that is an entirely new blog) And if by some chance, like Ken and I we had the short lived life of a child that God took home and during that time we were able to draw strength from that and depend on each other and God and realized that with each other we can get through anything.

My Children

2009-01-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

OK, so here goes the proud parent in me. Let me start with Ashley. She is the youngest. Ashley pretty much tells you like it is, she works two jobs and is just enjoying life. I was talking with her the other day and it is amazing how she is growing up so fast and becoming her own woman. Now, don't get me wrong, there are things I wish she would do differently, but for the most part she takes life as it comes and deals with it the way she knows how. Besides, who listens to mom anyway? She has over come many hurddles in her life and she is doing an Awesome job, there is one she is working on now and she is not just thinking of herself while she is moving forward. Ash, I am very proud of you and love you very much!

Then lets move to Kenny, ok so if you knew Kenny I don't need to say anything further, he was very precious to us and we miss him dearly.

Heather is the next in line. She is an OT in NC and is allot like Ashley they are so much alike it is scary. Heather is looking for her first home and let me tell you I will have to let you know on the progress of that next year, as it will take her that long to find one. (she is a little picky). I wish she lived closer. Heather is easy to talk to and just has a passion for working with disabled children.

Derik is last but certainly not least. Derik and his wife Amber also live in NC. Derik was not raised with the other kids. But that never stopped the love we have for him and now his wife. It is a tough job to be a step-parent there are certain lines that you don't cross all the while making it fair for the other kids in the family. Derik and Amber are now an active part of our family and it is an adjustment, A very good adjustment. I just wish we would have been able to do this while Kenny was alive, but through his death we have been reminded that Family is important, and you may not have tomorrow to let someone know how you feel.

Now don't get me wrong, I have made some mistakes with all my children, and I am sure I am not done. But for a new year, I pledge to my children and their families to be here when you need me, to pray for you daily and to make sure that WHEN and IF we ever have grand kids to spoil them rotten :)

God, Please keep a close watch on my children and their families, may your comfort and guidance always be present and may you bless them.

I LOVE YOU GUYS~~~ mom

Oh Waitress!!!!

2009-01-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

Well, my 21 year old daughter has decided that she would pick up a part time job. She has decided that she would Waite tables at the Raddison Hotel in Columbia. Well let me tell you, as we all know Ashley is probably not the most tactful person in the world. She will pretty much speak her mind and really don't care if she hurts your feelings while talking with you. So when she first told me of her decision to waite tables, I have to say many things went through my head. Like oh no, I am glad I work for an Attorney it might come in handy. :)
Ashley had her first table alone the other night and I had to smile as she tells me of her being nervous and afraid of dropping a glass or a tray. It brought back many memories as to some of my own experiences while I was a waitress. Like the one time I dumped and entire picture of frozen margaritas on the mgr as he was bent down at a table. (oops) Ash's night was not without flaw. She poured the oil and Vinegar wrong (oh yea there is a special way to pour it, go figure) and she did turn over a glass, although not on anyone thankgoodness. I think all in all her night went OK, and I think she will enjoy it as long as she sticks with it. I have to say, I am very proud of my little girl. She works hard and works 2 jobs. She is very
independant and her very own woman. So, can I give this young lady any advise on waiting on tables? Oh yea, I would say "no matter what, the customer is not always right and when you put your finger in a customers food that has upset you Do it in the Kitchen". I love you ash, now go make lots of money :))))

Happy New Year

2008-12-29T11:38:00.000-08:00

wow! I can not believe that it almost 2009. Time truly stands sill for no one. No matter you mood or your frame of mind. Time does move on. Christmas was just a few days ago and I spent the day in Florida with Ashley and Ken, and Timmy (ash's boyfriend) we had a great time. I did miss my family, but other than my sister here I don't see them on Christmas day anyway. Which is sad, I wish we could all have a huge family dinner and all be together, but time does move on and family has extended family and there are grandparents, and boyfriends/girlfriends that each niece and nephew has to go and visit. However, Christmas was a little different this year and it was not such a bad thing, I did enjoy myself and when you stop and think about the meaning of Christmas (the birth of Christ) you can enjoy anywhere and in any state. Although I am not sure Orlando is the place. Those people are Rude, but that is another blog :)

So what brings the new year, God only knows but I plan on taking life day by day and inch by inch as I have noticed the older I get the faster it seems like the year goes. I don't plan on making any new years promises that I can not keep, but I do plan on spending more time with my sisters and family and I plan on finishing the things I do start. We will see what the new year brings, it may not be money and we may lose a loved one but while we are here on earth, we have each other and I hope to have new friends and new family members. So here is to the New Year, may yours come in like no other!!!

The day after

2008-11-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

well, it has come and gone. Yes Thanksgiving blew in and out just like any other day and of course all it left behind was some food (alot of food) dirty dishes and lots of memories. Other than spending time with friends and family I think the memories are the best part of Thanksgiving. Ken and I went to the lake to spend time with family and although not everyone was there we had a ball. Our great nephews and niece of course stole the show. They are so precious and so full of life and of course not a care in the world, I love just sitting back and watching them they are so stinking cute. Sugar and CJ did a great job! Then Ashley and Timmy came over, they worked us in their busy schedule and was able to make some time for us. It is funny that when Kids are young and need you they are all over you, the minute they are old enough to do it on their on, you are only a source of food or income (lol). I love when she spends time with us, even if it is only for 30 minutes. Then to top the day off Ken was able to talk with Derick and I know he enjoyed that. Derick is in NC with his wife Amber and we don't get to see them that much, but Ken was able to talk with him and catch up on some life. Yes, all in all it was a good day. Of course in the back of my mind I still miss Kenny as he was the missing link for yesterday. However, the great thing is the memories and yes I will have those forever and I imagine if there is a feast in Heaven he was first in line awaiting on the mac and cheese, and I can hear him now, are you sure there is enough cheese in there? I think you need more. So now we move forward to Christmas and the gifts and again spending more time with family. But you know now that I think about it, I wonder why we only choose two days a year to make it a point to spend time with family? Life is so precious and so limited here on earth. Of course on the other side of the spectrum, I wonder why so many people only chose Christmas and Easter to focus on Christ, so much they are missing, so much!

Here we go again

2008-11-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

As I was driving down through Lexington today and I noticed candy canes already hung on the street lights. I went into the department store and I noticed the familiar sound and smell of the Holidays. Santa figurines on display and the smell of gingerbread candles on the shelf. Yep, it is hard to believe that in less than 10 weeks Christmas will be here. Thanksgiving is just around the corner too. It only seems like yesterday that we were taking the ribbon down that we had wrapped around the 500 poles on my porch (OK, only 20, but when your wrapping ribbon around it seems like 500) But then again, it seems like only yesterday that we buried our son. You see Christmas or even thanksgiving is not the same anymore, as a matter of fact, nothing is the same for me anymore. Now, before you go oh, that's not what Christmas is about, and you should be thankful for what you have, I know these things. As our current series in Church "how to be rich" I realize I am very blessed and I am very rich. But you see the mother in me longs for the voice of my son. The mother in me longs for him coming in and asking for something to eat because he has not slowed down to get something, or he has spent all his money and had none. The mother in me has a huge hole in my heart and the pain some days is so unbearable that I can not breath. Ashley and I took my great nephews to the movies the other day and we had a ball. Cole the oldest, reminds me so much of Kenny when he was little that it almost is painful to even be around him some days. He is so full of life and virtually scared of nothing. As soon as we walked in the door straight to the video games. But as we sat there, I looked at Ashley and could not control the memories of her and Kenny when her dad and I would take them to the movies. Or that on Christmas Eve no matter how young or old Ashley and Kenny were they would sleep in the same room and wait on Santa. Half the time they could not make it all night. I recall many of times, I would just lay in bed and listen to them laugh and cut up, just wishing they would go to sleep so I could go and put their toys out. So for me Christmas is no longer the same, and no matter how many times I tell myself that Christmas is for God and the precious Gift he gave us in Jesus. I still struggle with the fact that I can not help but be sad knowing that no matter how bad I want it and no matter how hard I pray, the voices of Kenny and Ashley laughing on Christmas eve is now just a precious memory that I will forever have.

I said Burr it's cold in here

2008-10-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, can you believe it, winter is almost here. Although you would think that it is already here on our doorstep being that it is going to be 32 degrees tonight. I was out at the grave the other day and as I sat there I noticed the wind starting to pick up. It always seems to do that when I am there, and I thought how much Kenny hated cold weather and that I was thankful that where he was he did not have to worry about being cold. I imagine Heaven is just right. I remember right before Kenny died, I would make him and his dad coffee in the morning before he went to work. It never failed, Kenny would call me around lunch to let me know that his dad did not drink any coffee but he wanted to thank me for making the coffee for him. I believe he would do that just to agitate his dad, he so enjoyed doing that. So old man winter is upon us, so break out the fuzzy bunny slippers (as my sister does) or the fan (as my other sister does) which everyone you need to do. As for me, I have the flannel sheets, the electric blanket the thermal PJ's and the heater by my bed. I am not so sure I will not enjoy menopause, when it is upon me. I am thinking I will like the warm tingling. Anything to be warm, and to top it all off If you were to ask my husband, he would like to live in Montana. (are you kidding me?) Can you see me, I would have a parka on 24/7 what fund would that be. Oh, don't get me wrong, I like snow and the winter day on Christmas moring just as much as the next guy. But if I had my rather, I would take the 80-90-even 100 degree weather any day!!

Worst week

2008-10-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

ok, there is this TV show called worst week. In the show this poor guy is at his soon to be mother and father-in-laws house and no matter what he does he can not do anything right. He kills the birds, mistakenly tells the family that the father-n-law has passed away, and can not walk the dog for anything. Absolutely nothing goes his way. Well, I can relate to this guy this past week. I have most definitely had the worse week. I work for an attorney and as that is not stressed enough he is stressed and you know what happens when your boss gets stressed? yes, it runs downhill. Wednesday night my nephew was taken to the hospital for a stomach flu and while leaving the hospital my daughter calls me and tell me "mom I have been in an accident" Not words I care to hear ever again. So 2 and half hours later in the rain, in the middle of Columbia downtown we wait on the City of Columbia to show up. This of course after we called 911 back and they did not answer, go figure. Yes, my week did not get much better after that. So, I am hoping this week will be better, I shall open the bible and ward off all evil, and I shall be in constant prayer to make sure that if I do have another week like I had this past week, then I will be prepared and I will not let it get the best of me.

Ever Wonder Why?

2008-09-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

SO, I was on my way to work the other morning and as I sat at a red light I just happened to look over and see a homeless gentleman all curled up on a bench with a blanket thrown over him and he was smoking a cigarette. I could not help but to think about the sermon that we had only two weeks ago that basically said that things that break Gods heart, should break ours. We should pray for the lost, and hurt for the ones that are hurting. Well, this then started to bring on more thoughts, like I wonder why he was there, in that particular place. Not off under a bridge, or in an alley. He was there in plain sight on a main road. Then I could not help but wonder, why he would choose to be that way. Yes I said choose, 75% of the homeless population is because they choose to be homeless. Now, did this man choose this life, I can not say, I can wonder why, and know that at any minute with the way things are going now this too could happen to me. I could at any minute lose my job, or Ken could lose his and we too could find ourselves homeless. Now, on a different train, I am thinking, that could not be to bad. You have no worries, other than someone else taking your stuff or messing with you while you sleep. But there are no responsibilities. You can fish all day or sleep, there are shelters that will feed you and keep you warm at night. Then I thought nope, that is not for me. Although I am very stresses with my Job I am thankful to say I have one. My heart did hurt for that man, not because he was homeless, he is probably better off than me. But because he looked sad, and that broke my heart. My prayer is that I am more sensitive to matters like this, and others feelings. I pray that the things that break Gods heart, breaks mine and I can then lift them up in prayer. So, now your asking why I wrote this, who knows, I just know for some strange reason that man has been with me for several days now, and I don't know why. Oh, well, just leaves the door open for more blogging.

This crazy family of mine

2008-09-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

OK, so most of you know that I have 5 wonderful sisters and I consider myself to be very lucky, but boy let me tell you we got some drama going on, now it is not important what is going on or who started it, or even who said what. I can tell you thought Jerry Springer here we come (lol) But the thing about my family is that we are a family and we have each other and no matter what is going on most of the time we still get along, and we are still there for each other. I think sometimes though we let things people said or did get in the way of family and that is sad. So I am not sure what the outcome of this family drama will bring. However, I am going to give my two cents worth, besides this is my blog and I can write what I want...:)
It has been over a year an a half since I was woke up in the middle of the night to find out that my son was not coming home. As a matter of fact it was 20 months to day. DO you think that I have thought one minute about a fight Kenny and I had or something he said pissed me off, or hurt my feelings, no way, none of that matters now. I can only now remember the good times and that is the important things in life, and I also know that Diane and Danny lost Michael not a month after Kenny, and I don't think they remember all the bad times with Mike and Anita his mom, while Mike was on this earth. I wonder what God thinks when his children fight, I know when Kenny and Ashley were little it would break my heart to see them argue and fight and especially Kenny he was my soft hearted one and he would get so upset that his sister was mad at him, allot of times Ashley did not even know he was so upset with her. So I wonder what God must think of us when we don't get along, most importantly when we don't get along over small stuff. My husband has two sisters and a brother that he has not seen in years, they don't speak because of family issues, Ken has no family other than my family, and let me tell you he would give his right arm to have a sister (one that he was raised with or not) or a brother to hang out with and go places with. Because even if my sisters don't want to admit it, we all are just alike and we all can make each other smile when we are having a bad day. Now, the problem with family drama, is some people can let it go and some can not, so for the ones that can, I think that is great, for the ones that can not, OK, listen up, we are family and we are here to make each other miserable and happy and sad that is what we do. So, be thankful we still have each other. That is the wise words from the baby black sheep of the family. I love my sisters ALL OF THEM and I am very thankful that they are here and if I needed them, they would come running. (they better anyway). If not, then when I do get up on my feet, I so am going to come and look for them. (I'm just saying)

What was I thinking!

2008-08-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

ok, we had the first softball game of the season last night, and let me just tell you, I am sore this morning. Not that I actually did anything to be sore I was 0-3 (that is no hits at bats in case you were wondering). However, there was this long run to outfield that I was destined to position last night, although I am not sure why, I would have been perfectly content on sitting the bench (lol). In addition, I had two great ball players beside me that made up for my lack of ability (Thanks Bennet and Todd). All in all it was fun and we did win. I realized that when you sit behind a desk all day, with the exception of running up and down two flights of stairs 20 times a day, that in no way shape or form gets you prepared for the long and I do mean long trot to outfield. It was great to fellowship with everyone, which is what we did. We prayed before and after and I think the after was the best, because there is just something about gathering around that home plate with the other team (that is not a church team) and bring Glory to God. I am thankful for all the people God has brought into my life. We even ran across someone last night that played with us years ago and it was great seeing her. I of course put a plug in to her to come to church, she does not have a church home. You see I love this church of mine. I love the friends that I have, and the relationships that I have formed. Some people may say we are a seeker church, and we probably are. Some may say it is hard to get plugged in (that I don't so much agree with, I think if you want to, you can get plugged in). But for the most part, we are loving and caring. I seen that when Kenny died, and I would not give up my church or my church family for anything. I love it there. I also said I was not going to play ball this year, but last night was fun (ok, ok I admit it), and I love hanging out with the gang (so to speak). Yea, I am excited to see what God is going to do this year with this team. Sore bodies and all GO Seacoast!!!!!

Happy Birthday Kenny!

2008-08-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my son's 20th birthday. If you would have asked me a couple of years ago how I would have spent this day I would have told you celebrating with Kenny. He would have awoken to the most beautiful sound of his mother singing Happy Birthday(OK, so it is beautiful only in my ears lol) to him. I am sure I would have had to cook his favorite meal and I would have seen him for about 5 minutes the entire day, as he would have wanted to spend this day with his friends and Jessica. Oh what I would give for that 5 minutes now. Just to hear him come in the door and say, mama I need some gas money. I am sure he is up somewhere, hitting all the people he was not able to hit while he was here on earth. Kens mom, Daddy, my mom, and Grammy I can see it now, he is spending the day fishing with Michael and having a grand time. While we are left here on earth with a HUGE hole in our hearts, as Kenny was such a loving young man, and would give you the shirt off his back if you asked. (it may cost you some gas money, but he would have given it to you if you needed it) Funny how life works, the things we think will happen don't and the things we think will never happen sometimes do. Guess that just goes to show that we are not in control. So we move on with our lives and plan on the day we will meet Kenny again, to give him the biggest hug, and I can make up for all the birthdays I will have missed. But for today, I am down and out. I try not to be, but I can not help but be sad, you see I miss my son, and a part of me died the day he did. However, I will continue on, and I will make each day count, as we are not promised tomorrow. I shall put one foot in front of the other, no matter how bad it hurts. Happy Birthday Kenny!!! I love you. Love mom

2008-08-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

So have you ever thought you lost something only to find that you really never lost it in the first place? It was there, all along, just waiting on you right where you left it. That is where I am in my life. I found my source for life, the reason I am here. For a year and a half I feel like I have been in limbo. Since we lost Kenny I have been going through the motions only. I have not felt love or happiness, only sadness. But I have now realized that what I thought I loss when I lost Kenny, I never really lost at all. I was angry, hurt, and sad all in one. And the source that I needed (God) was there, being patient waiting on me to return to him, he let me mourn in my time, and He did not rush me. I thought I lost Him, I thought that because I was mad and upset, He was not there. I know, you think some crazy things when you hurt that bad, but God set my life up for that season in my life. He lead me to a wonderful church family that when I needed to cry someone was there to listen and when I needed just to vent I had family and friends just to listen and not say a word. Most of all he allowed my husband to understand and love me regardless. He allowed my beautiful daughter to make me realize that life is beautiful and to enjoy it, as she like Kenny never slows down. Yes, God was there all along and all along He had his hand on me. Now, don't get me wrong, It hurts daily that Kenny is no longer here and I can not tell you that I go through a day without crying, because I don't. But I know Kenny is in Heaven and I know because of that and Because of my relationship with Christ, I will see my son again, and we will laugh again together. Yep, God was there the entire time and boy am I glad that He has the patience and Love that only He can give.

Life

2008-07-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

ok, so I went to a funeral of my aunt this past week and the day they layed her to rest, Olivia come into the world, (great neice) Olivia is not the first great neice, I have Kyra that I do not get to see as often as I would like, as she lives in NC with the rest of the family. So Ken and I and Diane went to the funeral and seeing the people some for the first time in years, brought back so many memories, like where my cleaning necessity might have came from. I remember when I was little, we are talking 6-7 I and my cousin Vicky would waite until all the family was asleep, after sitting around the table for hours and just talk, and then we would preceed to clean the entire house, she reminded me that was not all we did,:) I will have to find that out later and let you know....Life is funny, you lose one and somehow God replaces ok, maybe not replaces, but as someone dies, I have always heard someone is born. It happened the same way with my nephew, Carl. The day he was born, my mother took her last breath, I often see Mama in Carl, just some of the few memories I have of here as I was 10 when she died. So life goes on and I guess the great movie the Lion King and the circle of life is true to humans as well. I shall watch that again tonight, as I need puma's famous words to get me though, akunamatada. (No worries)

seems like he might be onto something. :))

Time moves on

2008-07-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

ok, so my daughter turned 21 years old today. Can you remember what you were doing 21 years ago? ok beside the fact I was just in labor for three hours :). Ashley was a beautiful 7lb baby and now my daughter has turned into a beautiful, caring young lady (ok, so I am pushing the caring fact) but she is beautiful. I remember Ken when I was pregnant with her he would rub my belly and tell me he wanted a little girl just like her mom, thanks Ken! She is so much like a younger me. Time does move on, and we have the chance everyday to make a memory.I love the memories we make everyday and I encourage you to make memories every chance you can. with everyone you meet. Time does move on and if your not careful, it will be 21 years from now. Wow, can you imagine where you will be?

Sitting with God

2008-07-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Selah sings a song "you raise me up" and there is a verse that says.... until you come and sit awhile with me. Can you imagine? I know God comes to us and he helps us and when we need to speak to him He is there, but think about this for a minute. The God of all Creation, takes his time out of running that universe and sits awhile with you, because you need Him. I can just picture it, me and God just sitting there talking about the day and what all that is going on and he sightly leans over and wispers to me, I know your hurting, want to talk? God has a plan for my life, and if I would stop trying to take care of things on my own He will sit with me and tell me what my next step will be. That is just so cool to me that God will come and sit with me, oh that glorious day when I can sit with God face to face and he will talk to me.

Extended Warrantys

2008-07-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I was watching the Olympic swimming tryouts this morning on the news and noticed that a 41 year old female kicked some serious butt. Ken and I laughed thinking that she must have bought the extended warranty when she turned 40. He nor I did. Can you imagine being that healthy at 40? I guess I can not, as I, like my sister am in funk. Mine is going on a very long time and I just can not seem to find my way out. But, I am sure in time this too shall pass. Until then I keep moving and shaking and working. However, I will not make any world records at the ripe age of 41 but I may along the line be in pretty good shape (for someone that does not exercise), if I will only lay off the hot now dougnuts (dang that sign, always on)......

T

Happy 4h

2008-07-04T03:35:00.000-07:00

Well. here we are in July, can you believe it? It is the biggest vacation time of the summer. Me, personally I love going on the off season, avoid the people. We have family come in today. My older sister and her husband. You will get to know here later. She is the big sister, the older sister. Her name is Diane, and her husband is Danny. They live in NC and have come down for the 4th. We are planning a trip to the peach festival, yum!!!!!! Ok, back to family comming, we spent (ok Ken spent) the entire day cleaning yesterday, I wonder why we do that, it is not like they have not seen our messes before, I think it might be me thought. I constantly have to try and clean the house for the most part anyway. I think I might have gotten that from my dad. He cleaned house often. I love getting up and turning on the radio and go at it. So, for your 4th, I hope you can spend it with someone you love, and cherish the "Family time" it seems to be rare these days, in a word of cell phone and computers. Life is short, in the famous words of Nike ,"PLAY HARD"

Enjoy your 4th, (and remember CHRISTmas is 5 months away)

Bad Day

2008-07-01T10:47:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind, where it seems like everything you touch messes up, you can not spell, think, or you feel like you can not do anything right. What has brought this about you say, well I had a client call me, she wanted a letter sent out and she wanted this done at 5:00pm, so I send the letter and I was in a hurry I admit, OMG I spelled the person name wrong on the letter. Now come on, I realize there is a realm of professionalism when you work for an Attorney, but believe me I have seen much worse from another Attorneys that you would not believe. I am also aware that I should probably slow down and stop trying to make people like me and want to do a good job(which would be why I stayed after 5:00 to get the letter out) only to be fussed at because I did not put an E on the end of a name. Maybe because I have PMS an everything bothers me (nope I am pretty much like that all the time). I don't know, I guess it is just one of them days and I should just go on with it and try to do the best I can. But come one, is it really that big of a deal, give me your thoughts?
T

New kid on the block

2008-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

ok, so I went to churh today, and I actually wanted to go...I am glad I did. Pastor Greg spoke live and his message was what is keeping you from worshiping God and having a personal realtionship with Him. Is it sin, or anger, or that you really dont know him. Well, I honestly have to tell you I dont know....I know, I know your thinking how would you not know. well let me explaine. On January 3rd we were awaken and informed that our 18 year old son was killed in an automobile accident. Now, the mother in me tells me that it was not his fault. The evidence not so, Kenny was estimated at going 140 miles an hour, passing in the left emergency lane, think about that, why would he pass on the left unless someone was in the right, but no one was reported being in the right, so my thought at that speed, he was racing. Oh, and I wish my heartache ended there, I have been throught so much heartache in my lifetime, that is is enought for a dozen people, and I am not as bad as some. But my entire Christian walk I have been talk that when you go through bad times, it is then God refines you like Gold. (Malachi 3:3) well, if that is the case, then Hulk watch out, there is a new kid on the block....
More later
T

A long time

2008-06-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day I read the Bible again. It has been so long, and I read in the Book of Jeremiah. My thought was this, God spoke to Jeremiah in the womb, he said "Before I formed you in the Womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart". Chapter 1:5. So many people use that verse to try to defer abortions, stating that God knew you and created you, no matter what. Now, first let me say, I believe that. I believe that God created me and has a plan for me. But..... you know there is always a but.....How do we know for sure that we are to take that scripture and use it for what "we think" it applies to. No where does it say use this to prove your point about abortions. As far as that goes, I guess you can say that about the entire Bible. So, I guess this is the stage of your own Christian walk that you have to believe, you have to believe Gods word, you have to Believe His love for you and me, and then you will know if this is to pertain to you or not. I can not tell you what part of the Bible should or should not pertain to you, and I can tell you I do Believe there is a God. A good friend of mine once told me, and it was so true, that let's say there is not a God, let's say for kicks and giggles, He is not real. So you live your life a little nicer than most, your happier and can handle things better, because you believe there is a God to help you though it and then when you die, you end up where ever, or you come back as a puppy......Now lets say there is a God when you die, and you did not live your life as there was one, you turned your back, you did not believe (becuse that is really all you have to do, is Believe, it is not like you have to paint your body purple or some crazy thing like that to become a Christian) And when you die.......Do you really want to see what Hell looks like, are you wiling to take that chance??????

So, again I picked up my Bible today, I have not read it in a long time, I am still hurting about Kenny and lots of things I guess, but in that reading I took away for me, that God is still here and He is still in control and If I repent and ask Him he will make himself known. I will keep you posted.....
T

Forever young

2008-06-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

ok, so my wonderful husband at the ripe age of 46 decided that he wanted to try and beat a couple of youth at basketball. I really dont need to tell you how that turned out do I? Yep you got it, he is now hurt. I wonder why we try to hurry and grow up when we are little and then when we are grown up, we are trying to stay young. Makes no sense to me, yet we all do it in some way or another. Then in a flash it is all over, I learned that the hard way last year, now dont get me wrong, I have lost people before and you move on, that is just the way it is right? We are suppose to die, it was that way from the beginning of time. However, I am here to tell you that changes when you lose a child. Our youngest son was killed last year in an aoutmobile accident and everyday it is a struggle to even get out of bed. I know what I need to do, and I know I should do it, but everything inside of me tells me that I just dont care. We still have a beautiful daughter and she is having a harder time than she wants to admit with it, yet we all move on, we all deal with it in our own way. For example, Ken struggles everyday, he tries to hide it more than us, with me and Ash we let you know how we feel, with Ken he tries to be strong and not show his emotions, I am not so sure that is a good thing, but I think that is his way of dealing. I would say that is maybe why he tries to remain young, but I have been married to him for 22 years, belive me he has always been this way. So I guess we go on, trying to be young, or if we are young we want to hurry and grow up. Ash will be 21 next month and I bet she can tell you the hours, days and probably minutes until that day. Ken will be 47 in October, I dont think he has kept up with it......

First Time

2008-06-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

Here we go, they tell me that I should write down my thoughts. That could be scary, somethings that I think may not need to be known by others. But for Kicks and Giggles, I am going to try. I have created this blog to help me with some of my thoughts and maybe my sanity. By no means will it be professional, and sometimes you may read something I have put on here and think "What is she thinking?". So bear with me and if you want to laugh or maybe even cry, this might be a good place have on your quick list to go to every now and then. In addition, I appreciate your comments. Not that I will listen and follow through with them, but I will read and consider and actually ask that if you have someting to say, I would appreciate you telling me. It is not always what I think, contrairy to popular belief. I may post one time a day I may post 5 times a day. So sit back and enjoy
T