ok, so I went to churh today, and I actually wanted to go...I am glad I did. Pastor Greg spoke live and his message was what is keeping you from worshiping God and having a personal realtionship with Him. Is it sin, or anger, or that you really dont know him. Well, I honestly have to tell you I dont know....I know, I know your thinking how would you not know. well let me explaine. On January 3rd we were awaken and informed that our 18 year old son was killed in an automobile accident. Now, the mother in me tells me that it was not his fault. The evidence not so, Kenny was estimated at going 140 miles an hour, passing in the left emergency lane, think about that, why would he pass on the left unless someone was in the right, but no one was reported being in the right, so my thought at that speed, he was racing. Oh, and I wish my heartache ended there, I have been throught so much heartache in my lifetime, that is is enought for a dozen people, and I am not as bad as some. But my entire Christian walk I have been talk that when you go through bad times, it is then God refines you like Gold. (Malachi 3:3) well, if that is the case, then Hulk watch out, there is a new kid on the block....
More later
T
Long Time Gone......
2 years ago
1 comments:
OK, so you know that at some point I had to put in my 5 cents worth (inflation). I think it's important when you blog or journal to focus on what you (that would be YOU TRACI WOLFE) is really and truely feeling. write like no one is reading it but God. Cry out. Get mad. Get sad. Be happy. Whatever your emotion is at the time, show it in your writing. You seem to be writing as a church leader, saying what you think you should say or feel. Write as a mother that lost her son. That SUCKS. There is no way around that. You have to just push through it. Dig down deep in the pit (not arm pit) of your soul and find those emotions. You can't deal with them until you bring them to the surface and you can't bring them to the surface with that thick facade you have created. You are NOT Traci Wolfe, church leader, devoted Christ follower, perfect wife and mother, that has never doubted. You ARE Traci Wolfe, church leader, devoted Christ follower, not so perfect wife and mother that has had her heart ripped out and torn to shreds. I know that you wonder, or doubt why God has chosen YOU to endure this. I know you question. I know you hurt. Scriptures, Beth Moore, Rick Warren, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, etc. None of this can, at this specific moment in time, remove your hurt until you bring it to the surface, show it, and begin to deal with it. THEN, and only then, will you be able to find comfort in the scriptures. But first, you have to show your pain to begin to know where to look.
I love you.
Heather
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